"a process of transferring information from one entity to another. Communication processes are sign-mediated interactions between at least two agents which share a repertoire of signs and semiotic rules. Communication is commonly defined as "the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication
I can think of SOOOO many times that I haven't been able to communicate, including travel in a foreign country, with my children, with my students, with my parents, oh my word, the list goes on! However, when we place importance on communicating, we often can come up with alternative ways to communicate...my 1 year old is amazing at this - with her intonation sounds, facial expressions, pointing, head shaking. I find that I keep hoping that she will use words, worried that she isn't at the 'right' developmental stage/ability, while in the meantime I can so easily overlook her very sophisticated ways of communicating already...lol.
What kind of communication challenges have you had? How did you over come, or try to overcome them? If you feel comfortable, what kind of emotions were involved?
9 comments:
What is interesting about communication is that everyone has a different way of doing it. And most of the time, in my experience, issues arise when it is the way someone is communicating, not what they are communicating that is the issue. I hate to bring up marital examples, however, I feel this one applies. I usually communicate with emotion, and my husband communicates with fact. When there is an issue or problem, I usually tell him how I feel about it and why it makes me upset, and he usually tells me the reality of it. Even though he may feel the same way as I do, he looks at the reality of the problem first. I feel both ways are important. There is a reason behind someone communicating. Listening and understanding how the other person is communicating will help the response.
I feel that it is important to look at the "how" of communication before the "what" as it pertains to different issues.
Interesting idea, Erica! I think I'm a pretty good communicator with people most of the time, but the times when I struggle the most is when I'm upset. I tend to totally shut down completely which isn't very helpful at all. I'm lucky in the fact that Jake (my husband) is good with reasoning with me and coaxing it out of me..but it's something I'm very consciously aware of and something I try to work on constantly.
I went to bed last night, thinking about the ways in which our students at the high school level communicate with one another.
Background: I was privy to some facebook walls and a discussion group where some local high school students were in astonishment to hear that one of their classmates has reportedly taken his own life after the bullying he received became too much. I do not know the details - but found myself supporting a grade 9 boy through online texts as he shared his thoughts. I know this child because of his mom's best friends suicide which occurred 11 years ago, and I became her children's live in nanny.
So as a trusted adult, M as able to open up to me, to discuss his feeling about high school, what it feels like to not belong, to talk about suicide and what it means to take your own life, and whether that is cowardly, desperate or the safe way out. He stumbled on the meaning of words, and was connecting what he knew about mental illness (as that is what his mom's best friends death was blamed on) to simply realizing that the world is so harsh to sensitive individuals - where does that inner drive towards resilience come from? He wanted to know - how can we improve resiliency in high school students?
I thought of this blog - and of our inquiry projects as I know one of you is going to attempt to answer that very question.
It's amazing to me the learning that has come from this experience. But when focused narrowly on simply communication - what an effective tool the online message board has been. The students are able to support each other and share feelings and emotions they wouldn't share in person. They are able to talk to strangers, to teachers (there was a few on the discussion forum) and to each other.
There was a "troll" stirring up trouble - which furthered the discussion about bullying, and the best courses of action to take when faced with someone like that who is driving pleasure from gaining negative attention. The students jumped into action initially calling the troll names, and saying "I'd like to beat...." etc... but they were able to work together on coming up with solutions for overcoming the troll and started a second group.
Students were able to really think about what they were going to post, and there was limited fear about how it was going to be received unlike asking students to share in the classroom which is so prompted, putting kids on the spot, and setting them up to 'perform' for an audience of critics.
I could go on and on as the experimentation with sarcasm is something I also get overwhelmed with when communicating with high schoolers, but I'll leave it for now.
What are your thoughts on how high school students communicate?
Sorry about my slightly off topic rant about communication.
Back to a more on topic one.
Communication challenges?
I was a nanny for 10 years, and for many of those I worked with two families with kids under the age of 9 who had lost a mother to suicide or cancer.
How does a child like that communicate grief? And oh what a difficult thing for me to handle - as I was 18 when I first started in the role.
It was very interesting to see the variety of methods. One child would build up the thoughts in her mind and attach to anger over everything in her world. Finally it would culminate in a huge temper tantrum where I would keep my cool and show her ways to express herself. We even went shopping for a large stuffed animal for her to kick/hit/stomp on and hug. She would get herself to a point after much prodding on my part where she would spill out her issue - like "Am I going to die too? or Will I ever get a new mommy? or Who will make my birthday cake? or A kid at school said...." etc... We would end up in a heap, crying and holding each other.
Her sister would keep everything bundle inside. I would hear her late at night crying, and I would crawl onto her bed and hold her until she fell back asleep. Sometimes, she'd crawl into my bed and if that happened - I knew she had something to say. We would lay there - sometimes just singing her favorite songs until she was ready to ask her question or tell me what she'd been thinking about.
The youngest, was speech delayed due to a tongue tie, and was diagnosed with autism while I was there. He grieved too, and although his communication is different (you should see the facebook messages I get from him now - all about Mario Nintendo games haha) he too went through the grieving process - but he had to find other ways to act it out rather than speak his mind. He did go through a phase where he was asking for "Mom?" and another phase where he called me "Mom!" to get my attention and show love, and another where he would react angrily to other kids showing affection to their moms and yell "mom!" and throw something or pinch that woman!
Another child, later on in my career, would save up his thoughts until we were in the car. It was his safe place to talk. He was safe from my hugs and my eye contact. He had my full attention - and even his siblings seemed to respect his need to share/talk. He would talk about his mommy and tell me stories about her. He'd share his worry about forgetting her, and asked questions like "What/Where is Heaven?" and "If I'm really good - can mommy come home?" and "Do you think she can see me? Where is she?"
I must admit to being grateful on occasions for the car discussions because I too was free to cry and show emotion without upsetting or worrying the kids as they could not see my face. I can't tell you the times I would need to pull the vehicle over to stop and hug those boys as something meaningful was expressed.
Hot topics - They are not easy to talk about on the spot - and yet the need to share, and understand and assimilate what these kids were feeling was so age appropriate and different. I found it so hard to gauge how I could respond, and found myself going with my gut on how detailed to be, and knew that as the kids got older, they would ask more questions, but it was my job to simply reassure them that asking the questions in first place would be rewarded with honesty, no judgment, kindness and love. A safe place to express themselves.
When I was in Sabah, Malaysia I was definitely had troubles with communications. I had picked up a little Bahasa Melayu (very little), but many in Sabah spoke Dusun.
So our host had a little boy who I could not speak to at all, but we still had a ball playing hide and seek and I entertained him with a little beatboxing.
It was an amazing little moment where with very crude communication we could have a little fun.
We also had some times in the villages where the translation would go from English to Bahasa Melayu to Dusun to all the way back. (There was also some communication difficulties between the Bahasa Melayu and Dusun part because our speakers were from west Malaysia and east Malaysia apparently had some very distinct differences.)
When presented with 'communication' as a topic, I instantly think of tone in written communication. I have often reflected on how difficult it is to guage one's tone when reading something that has been written to me. When you cannot see the sender's facial expressions and body language or hear his or her voice it is next to impossible to get the full feeling of the message. What was meant to be a joke can turn into a fight because of that barrier.
Recently at work I overheard two of my managers talking about how youth today prefer any and all communication but face-to-face conversations. Text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, and email are the media of choice and I wonder if this is affecting youth's ability to communicate effectively or create strong interpersonal relationships.
I find that communicating online through msn is challenging. It is easy to interpret what someone is saying the wrong way.. I agree that facial expressions go a long way when it comes to communicating from person to person.
With email and text messaging being the two most useful and popular forms of non-face to face daily communication, humans are loosing face (haha I want to say "and resorting to facebook").
As for how I feel about this... i'm okay with it; even though I know it is formal. I think that we wouldn't be as technologically advanced if we were not able to communicate in an online format or through text messaging.
All in all...snail mail has not died yet has it?
Communication challenges... I'm actually perfect and have no communication challenges :) Just kidding! Thanks Sarah S. for the big, intense and thoughtful posts! I'm thinking about challenges generally in terms of mental or communication blocks. Maybe I don't even know what my own are... The biggest communication challenges in my life that I can think of though have to do with my own not being clear and concise, which I strive toward and succeed with too, I find I seem to imply a lot of subtle messages that not everyone clues into. Or that I think a lot more than what I can easily say... It can feel uncomfortable and humiliating to not get a message across or to be understood or judged in deviation from your real intent - or be somehow rejected for what I share. And when people shut down and don't want to talk about something it drives my nuts - ie. I get frustrated and curious as to what's going on in the recesses of those minds and why... I'm pretty open and willing to discuss almost anything - and find difficulty talking with people when lines of communication are not open. I try to coax lines of communication open too. Maybe this is how I deal with the challenges. I think we (people) have so many fears and beliefs that disable us from sharing our truths, what we really feel and think. I also think we have ample capacities to get over or work through and overcome these fears and beliefs (of reject mostly? I don't know...) by exploring what they are, why they are present and how we can change our outlooks or better cope. I like to figure this stuff out and get people communicating more and more healthily! I like to be as open as possible too to, as Sarah S. mentions above, provide people with "a safe place to express themselves." I really appreciate that space when it's provided for me too! Thanks! :)
My challenges with communication are not necessarily speaking ones, but rather communicating thoughts, ideas, and feelings to words. I am very creative and have such a vivid imagination. I love using this to write poetry and novels, but I find I have trouble communicating what I see in my head onto paper. I just cannot get it across right. I can see it perfectly in my head, but it's not right when it comes to writing it down on paper. I'm also like this when trying to describe something orally. I can see the image perfectly in my head, but when I try to communicate it, I can't get it right. It's frustrating. I think that is why I don't like showing my writing to that many people. I'm afraid it doesn't communicate what I see and how it's supposed to be.
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